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The Truth Married Couples Don't Want To Hear

 

The Truth Struggling Couples Don’t Want To Hear

 

What’s worse than not having the answer to your problem? How about being given the answer and rejecting it as the truth. It would be like teaching your child that two plus two equals four and them telling you, “No, it’s five and you will never convince me otherwise.”

As silly as this tiny example may sound, it is the exact situation that we find so often in our society. It boils down to the fact that accepting the truth means having to admit we are wrong, and if we are wrong then we must take personal responsibility for our actions. It is that same pride that keeps so many people from realizing their need for a loving God to create in them a clean heart, transform their minds and ultimately change their very nature.

As we minister to couples who come to us distraught and sometimes in the middle of filing for divorce, this scenario plays out all too often. It is either one or both individuals that aren’t ready to let go of their pride, take personal responsibility for the state their marriage is in, and allow God to intervene. You see, the truth that couples never want to hear is this, your spouse isn’t the problem. As a matter of fact, we compound the problem in our relationships when we want to blame all the problems on the other person instead of taking a close look at what part we played in creating the current environment. It goes back to that personal responsibility thing. I realize there are exceptions where physical or mental abuse exist and the victimized spouse had no part in whatever is causing such vile behavior. For the most part, however, both spouses need to take responsibility for the lack of care shown towards the marriage that ultimately creates isolation, bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. All of these help create an environment conducive to bad choices resulting in the breaking of the marriage covenant. For example, no one just wakes up one day and decides to have an affair. There is a culture of isolation and despair that helps feed that flame. While no one ever has the right to make such a devastating choice to do something like that, both spouses must work daily to protect the environment in their marriage and build walls of protection around their relationship that keep the enemy from getting in. To be clear, your spouse is NOT your enemy.

1 Peter 5:8 (niv) says “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour”, and if he can take out your spouse, he can take out your marriage. The enemy hates marriage because when a man and a woman are joined together and become one in Christ Jesus, it is a powerful union. One of the greatest threats to the enemy’s agenda on this earth is two individuals coming into agreement in faith asking God to move on their behalf. Remember Matthew 18:19? Jesus said, “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about something they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” (niv) Oh how powerful is when a husband and wife live for the Lord together and agree to let Him be first in their relationship. It’s like having nuclear launch codes at your disposal.

Since our spouse is not the enemy, we must stop pointing fingers. We can’t even point the finger at them for blaming it all on us! One of the keys to marriage, (and this could extend to our daily Christian lives) is constant examination of ourselves. Am I loving my spouse as Jesus would? Am I willing to lay down my selfish ambitions and desires for the sake of my marriage? What things am I allowing in my life that are hindering my walk with God and therefore hindering my relationship with my spouse? Where have I compromised in my values and my faith?

 

So, you want to know the truth couples don’t want to hear? You have some personal responsibility for the condition of your marriage, period. You can’t fix your spouse, only God can, but you can let God fix you. In the process, your whole perspective may change. You may receive a new burden for your spouse who is being completely selfish and rebellious. You may just begin to love them as God so loved the world and gave His only begotten son for it. None of us deserved that, yet He did it for all of us. Even your spouse. Let’s stop deciding who should receive God’s grace. That’s God’s job, and that’s a truth some couples just don’t want to hear.

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